Last week Angel's school really messed up with several things; the work Angel was doing in school as well as her homework was incredibly behind her capabilities yet again and she is bored. She came home wet twice after playing outside in the cold November weather in water without even a coat on. She was told she wasn't aloud a hot dinner so she ended up with almost nothing to eat for lunch and to top it off the school decided to take her class on a trip to another school, we only found out about this trip five minutes before school by text on the day of the trip! Lastly the cursive writing; we'd talked to the school about this before, and although it had been agreed that Angel could write very well, better than her class and that she would not be pushed to write cursive and basically relearn the alphabet, they have done nothing but push cursive since.
My husband started yet again talking about home education and we made an appointment to go and see the head mistress on the Thursday.
The fears of socialization had been sorted with the inclusion to a home education group in our area and all of the support i'd already received through that along with invitations to meet ups and the like. With how intelligent she already is, we already know that I can educate her, just as I have been. We have the resources and materials needed and as far as we could come up with there was very little stopping us.
We went into the school to talk to the head about our ideas and plans and she strongly disagreed although not in a nasty way. She is a slave to the system, she admitted it herself and kept saying Angel would have to join the real world at some point, that home education wouldn't give her that. She waved aside our comments about her meeting with other home educated children as well as her large selection of cousins. I stood up for myself for once, I actually talked back and I made eye contact. My panic did not get the better of me yet T still seemed swayed back to the idea of school and I would say i reluctantly agreed to give it longer, but I don't specifically remember doing that.
I guess I feel that I will be alone if I remove her.
I went home that day after the meeting and the afternoon was cried away. I detested the school and wanted to take Angel and run.
The following day there was a performance at the school in the afternoon so after a morning shopping to keep myself out of the house and busy I went along. The head found me in the office before the show and took me aside. That's when things turned even more topsy turvey. She asked me if I would come into the school to help out. that way I might feel more settled about it all and she told me that she is amazed by me and my story and she thinks I'm an intelligent young woman who can make a difference. She even talked about me going back to my training to work towards becoming a teacher. (I'd been training to work wit children before I became pregnant with Angel).
I agreed to try it and I went into school yesterday morning (Monday) with Angel. I helped out in her classroom. I observed and helped and was asked to come back. They want me there as a regular thing.
It would have been positive if I hadn't been thinking how unnatural it all felt, how very conventional. On top of that being able to see Angel but not cuddle her was horrible.
I had only just arrived and was effectively trapped when I was informed that a lot of children were off due to the sickness bug that was going through the school. By the time I was told my things were locked in the cupboard and Angel was settling into the day and so I stayed despite the overwhelming need to run and take Angel to the safety of our car. Especially as I watched the children sucking their fingers, touching things that looked unclean and holding hands and eating and just ewww. My panic was in top form.
I was terrified but I somehow stayed then I had to leave Angel there in the germ pit for the afternoon.
Then last night the worst thing that could happen happened. She got it.
She's off school now and I had to call my husband home from work to help me cope. We got through the day but I don't want her in that germ hole anymore. I don't want that mediocre education when she could actually be learning through fun. Meeting 'free' children and I have to admit it would be nice to speak to other parents who also have the same interests in alternative education and the like.
I guess this is a cross roads and once more my heart is telling me to go one way while the 'what if's' drive me back the other again, I know I will never be satisfied with any school. But will I be satisfied if I home educate? and will I be able to take Angel from her friends and the parts she enjoys? Will I be able to face T's family prejudices?
I don't know that if Angel went back into school that I would be able to help out there after this experience but then how can I send my daughter to a place where I don't want to be?
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